JNS News: The Official Cotton Dog of Easter

Due to the extreme boredom of the commercial christening artists, yet another new item of note has been titled the "Official Cotton Dog of Easter." The general public says that they have no idea what a Cotton dog is, and many, due to the picture shown at the right, say they are anxious to get their own dog from the Cotton breed.

The cute pink ears are roughly two and a half inches long, and the body has the proportions of a Chihuahua. The Easter dog, in answer to our question, 'Are you mutated?' stated, "Yes, of course I am. You'd better watch where you step cowboy, or I'll rip your innards out." The reporters did not reveal any other questions of note to us.

Undoubtedly, this is one of the cutest, sweetest dogs there is, and the general public has good reasons for wanting this breed of dog. The Cotton breed, the officials urge, does not exist, giving the general public yet another reason to hate the government. This is Josh, at JNS news, signing off. Have a great night!

JNS News Notice: As of the publishing date of November 14, 2007, the Official Cotton Dog of Easter has been destroyed due to unnecessary violence.

JNS News: Fatal Crime Against Endangered Stuffedo Bear

On Monday, November 12, police discovered trails of bloody hair leading to a house in Carmel, Indiana. Says Officer Boot, "We were far too late. I just wish there was something we could have done." Officer Boot's team had discovered the body of a bear named Ragen lying on a bed upstairs.

Ragen was brutally emasculated and then impaled with two large knives which the criminal had bought at a hardware store prior to the homicide.

The bear had also lost a lot of blood and died a slow, painful death, knowing full well that he could never have offspring even if he survived. But, Boot still has hope for the search. "I think he is out there waiting for us to discover him, but right now scientists are tracking him down."

Boot shared his condolences with us and Ragen's family. Boot left us with, "He will be found, and justice will be served." The criminal will be executed when the police find him, as the emasculation and murder of the rare Stuffedo Bear are both deep felonies. This is Josh, at JNS news, signing off. Have a great night!

Hello, I am now posting too. I provide the randomness, yo, that dis here site needs! Anyway, the Internet, I hear, is going to be down on Sunday, which is tommorrow, so if you are ACTUALLLY reading this, it's probably after Sunday, lol.http://members.iquest.net/~cbooth/ourhomepage.html

my website, enjoy the geekiness.

A Great 'ol Yarn

A great true story from my friend:

The site known as tutor.com can be a very fun place, as I found out. It's a site where you connect with real people and they help you with your school work. The interface has a web browser, a chalkboard, and a chat box. Here are three stories pertaining to my adventures on this site.

The first topic I chose was 8th grade social studies.

"When was the Treaty of Paris?' I asked.

"Well, do you have a textbook to look in?"

"Yes, I think it is called Freedom."

"Well, did you look it up?"

"It wouldn't tell me the answer. I asked it several times."

"Here's a site that might help."

The site pulled up, and the headline was right there, The Treaty of Paris of 1783.

"Oh, that's okay, I found the answer."

"Okay."

"It was in 1738."

"No, it was in 1783."

"No, I'm certain it was in 1738. Look it up."

"1783."

"Thank you for your help, goodbye."

The second topic I chose was 9th grade mathematics.

"Hello, I want to know if COS is a cognitive function," my friend Kevin asked, or something like it.

"Well, do you have a textbook to look in?"

"No. I mean yes."

"Did you look it up?"

"Yes, I found the answer, but I don't believe it."

The lady ignored that and proceeded to draw two very exquisite triangles, with lines and curves placed accurately. Before she could explain the diagram, I took matters into my own hands, rather the mouse, and erased two-thirds of the first triangle she had drawn. There was a small pause.

"Please don't erase."

"Oh, sorry, that was my baby brother. She can be so annoying sometimes."
"I see."

"Thank you for your help, goodbye."

The last topic I chose was college physics. This is the best one. We were speaking with someone named Christopher.

"Hello, I want to know how phyglonomy works in bicycles."

"Phyglonomy?"

"Yes, phyglonomy."

"My dictionary doesn’t have this word, are you sure you spelled it right?"

"Yes, phyglonomy."

"My other dictionary can't find it either, are you sure that's how it's spelled?"

"Yes, I would like to know how phyglonomy reacts with bicycle metal when it experiences extreme friction and has kinetic ruptures."

There is a pause; he is obviously trying to look up something.

"I want to know about phyglonomy with the lymonies."

"Lymonies, are you sure you spelled that right?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, it's lynomies."

"I can't find that, are you sure you spelled it right?"

"Hold on, I have an equation for you."

Kevin had drawn Hi Chris on the chalkboard.

"Okay, look on the chalkboard."

A pause.

"All I see is hi Chris."

Kevin erased it and drew the pressure formula, P=F/A.

"Okay, we have a real equation this time."

"Oh that's the formula for pressure."

"No, it's phyglonomy equals lynomies over area."

"What? No, it's pressure equals force divided by area."

"Yes, I would like to know about the phyglonomy."

He went into jargon about the pressure formula."

"I want to know about phyglonomy!"

"Maybe I should connect you to someone else."

"Yes, please do that."

We logged out, laughing hysterically.

By Josh, visit my website at http://members.iquest.net/~cbooth/ourhomepage.html for more of my stuff.